(Originally posted June 2010)
I had the best of intentions to write this past weekend. I had three full days to get some words down on paper. Did I? No. Why? Because I life tends to get in the way. I always want to write, even when I don’t know what I’m going to say. If I simply place myself at the keyboard and start typing – something – anything – in time, the right words will come out. Don’t get me wrong, this feeling of not knowing creates an emotional hurdle that I have to jump too, but if I sit long enough I find that I can jump quite high. Other days, I either don’t HAVE the time or I don’t MAKE the time and I find it’s importance to recognize the difference.
Monday through Friday I work a 9-5 job, so often, I may not have time or energy to write – chores or plans with family, friends or husband interfere. I sometimes squeeze in a few hours at night, but if I don’t have 2-3 hours to sit down, look back over the last section I was writing, glance through my notes and then move forward, I won’t sit down at all. Can you say writer FAIL?
On the weekend, I have options, many options, too many options. Sleep, chores, errands, walking the dog, dinners – the options are all there, standing in line at my front door. Most weekends, I want to lock the deadbolt and nest in front of my computer, but instead I must balance that time with real life obligations.
This past weekend, I allowed real life to win over. Part was fun and the other part dutiful, but in the end I’m left with the guilt of knowing I didn’t make time to put one new word of my story on paper. However, I did work on this website, so that has to count for something, right???
Today, instead of feeling guilty, I will remind myself that I made my choices and that I must plan better next time. That when I have the free time, grab it and accomplish whatever I can.
I also chose to not work by personal deadlines. This might be something I reconsider in the future, especially as my time commitments get tighter (I don’t even have kids yet!). I don’t like to structure creativity, but I also know that I am bit of a procrastinator (just a bit? OK, a BIG one!) but still, I must find the balance between the two since I am deciding to make writing more than just a past time or hobby.
*QUICK UPDATE* I realized (after my husband read this post) that even though I was a writer fail this weekend, I was a wife success! I told you about my procrastination issues. Well, I finally did my spring cleaning (yes, I know it’s summer) and attacked my house. It was very fulfilling and very much needed, but took most of my day Sunday and I was pooped afterward. I was a friend success on Saturday – hung out with my old roommate and bestie all day, which I hadn’t done in months, so that was fun too. Again, It’s all about balance, making time for everything you love and not feeling too guilty when you don’t.